Joe Pesci in The Wizard of Oz [by Henancius Entertainment]

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Joe Pesci in...

The Wizard of Oz

Joe Pesci is the Wizard:
Joe Pesci is the Wizard of Oz

Scarecrow: I'd like some brains.

Wizard: You want some fuckin' brains?? Why don't you show me some respect, you dumb motherfucker?! It's "I'd like some brains, Great Oz". You're the first piece of shit to walk through my Emerald City and actually have the fuckin' balls to ask me for something like that. What the fuck do you want me to do, huh? Pull out a piece of paper with a little fuckin' ribbon on it, hand it over to a dumbass like yourself and say, "Hey, now your smart"? Get the fuck out of my face.

Tin Woodman: I'd like a heart.

Wizard: A heart?? You're asking the wrong guy, you miserable son of a bitch! You're looking at a guy who has a cold storage shed where his heart should be. And you just saw me tell this piece of shit (points to Scarecrow) to call me the Great Oz and then you forget. What?? Did it slip your fuckin' mind? All I ask for is a little respect, because you see, without me, you'll be miserable the rest of your fuckin' pathetic life. Standing out in the fuckin' woods, hoping it doesn't rain just so you can take a few more whacks at your wood. You make me sick, you piece of shit. What I should do is go back behind my fuckin' curtain and get my baseball bat and take out your fuckin' knee caps, that way you'll be asking me for some legs rather than a heart.

Lion: I'd like some courage, Great Oz.

Wizard: You see, asshole, this guy got it right. He's a fuckin' genius, but of course, if he didn't call me the Great Oz, that means he would of had to have a lot of courage but he didn't, you see. I can't hand over courage to you. You have to get the fuckin' balls enough to stand up for yourself, I mean look at you. You probably run around the lion like a fuckin' bitch, scared of your own and can't sleep because you're afraid you'll get a fuckin' mosquito bite, you stupid bitch. Now get the fuck out of my face before I make a rug out of you so I can wipe the fuckin' dog shit off my shoes on your ass. Go fuck your mother!

Dorothy: Great Oz, I'd like to get home.

Wizard: Home?? Where the fuck is home?!

Dorothy: Kansas, Great Oz.

Wizard: What am I, a fuckin' bus driver? Let me ask you a question, why the fuck would anyone want to go back to Kansas? Huh? You like to sleep with your fuckin' father?

Dorothy: I don't live with my parents, Great Oz. I live with my Uncle Henry and Auntie Em.

Wizard: Are you fuckin' with me?

Dorothy: No, Great Oz. I'd never do that.

Wizard: So, I send you back and all three of you miserable pricks can have a three way orgie, a fuckin' ménage à trois. Let me ask you something, what the fuck do you see when you look at me?

Dorothy: I don't quite know what you mean, Great Oz.

Wizard: I tell you what you see. You see a fuckin' man that has the answers to all your problems. You travel on a yellow brick road, think you've been through enough to have me just answer your fuckin' prayers and give you what you want?? What the fuck do I look like, Santa Claus?? But you four pricks waltz into my City, walk into my dungeon here and are too fuckin' stubborn to leave when I say so, well let's see if your gator mouths can back up your canary behinds. I'll tell you what I'll do. I'll give you what you want, on one fuckin' condition.

Dorothy: Oh, anything, Great Oz, anything.

Wizard: There is this fuckin' whore running around, you know, terrorizing my people. A real fuckin' ugly bitch, she calls herself the Wicked Witch of the West and judging by her looks, she is one nasty looking broad. You fuckin' kill her, I mean knock her off. I'll even help dig the fuckin' hole to bury her ass, I already got the lime. But to prove to me you whacked that bitch off, you bring me her fuckin' broom. And if you don't kill her, I will, get her broom myself and then stick it up each of your assholes, got it? Now get the fuck outta here, you fucks you.

There's no place like fuckin' home...

The Wizard of Oz is Copyright © 1939 MGM. All rights reserved. Henancius Entertainment makes no claim to the rights of the owners and also has no intention to infringe on the rights of the owners. Thanks to Brian Collins for his colaboration.

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